forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
