My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
