last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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