she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
