Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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