Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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