why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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