dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
