Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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