I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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