atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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