I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
