now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
