I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
