Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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