in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
