I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
