I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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