I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize