Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he was CRYING into my vagina
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
