just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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