vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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