AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Text me some of your sweat
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
