Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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