My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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