btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
