the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
