I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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