His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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