you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
