So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
