There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
