it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
