I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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