he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
