There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize