My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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