No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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