i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
