just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
