Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
