we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
