well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
