you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
