ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
