dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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