Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
