Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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