We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
