No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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