Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize