My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
