You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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