I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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