Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
