Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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