you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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