I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
