you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
