I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
